Religion and Royalty:

CHRIST THE KINK?

WAS JESUS A NONCE? OUTRAGE AT BIZARRE CLAIMS OF MIRACULOUS APPEARANCES OF CHRIST EXPOSING HIMSELF IN CHILDRENS' PLAYGROUND! 'JESUS TOLD US TO DO IT' ALLEGE RENEGADE PEADOPHILE PRIESTS AS VATICAN CONDEMNS RUMOURS!

THE POPE OF BIRMINGHAM

VATICAN REBELS PLAN TO REPLACE AILING POPE WITH USED CAR SALESMAN! SELF-STYLED 'POPE OF BIRMINGHAM' PLANS TO PURSUE 'CHRIST THROUGH CAR SALES' AND OFFERS FREE ABSOLUTION WITH EVERY MAJOR SERVICE!

ROYAL DOPING SCANDAL

AMAZING CLAIMS THAT ROYAL FAMILY MEMBERS SEDATED BY AUTHORITIES TO PREVENT EMBARASSMENT DURING STATE EVENTS! SENSATIONAL NEW BOOK REVEALS SHOCKING MADCAP ANTICS OF ROYALS!

ONWARD CHRISTIAN SOLDIERS?

HAS POPE BENEDICT XVI HAS BEEN SECRETLY REARMING VATICAN FOR WAR ON NON-BELIEVERS?

ON THE DOUBLE

ARE GANG OF ROYAL DOPPELGANGERS BEHIND SPATE OF REGAL MISBEHAVIOUR? FORMER ROYAL BUTLER SUSPECTS BIZARRE CONSPIRACY TO DISCREDIT ROYAL FAMILY WITH ARMY OF DOUBLES!

STATE OF DISGRACE

WILL VATICAN'S PURGE OF PAEDOPHILE PRIESTS SERIOUSLY DAMAGE CAREER PROSPECTS OF BRITAIN'S DEVIANTS? CALLS FOR GOVERNMENT TO SET UP NEW TRAINING SCHEMES FOR PERVERTS!

SKIN DEEP

FROM ORGAN TRANSPLANTS TO MONKEY GLANDS - BIZARRE REJUVENATION SECRETS OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS EXPOSED!

SWEET AND SAVIOUR

IS CHRIST FLIPPING BURGERS? MESSIAH CITES LACK OF OPPORTUNITIES IN FAMILY BUSINESS AS REASON FOR WORKING IN FAST FOOD INDUSTRY!

HER MAJESTY PLEASURED

RIVAL TV HISTORIANS CLASH OVER SEXUAL AWAKENING OF QUEEN VICTORIA! DID MONARCH REALLY LEAD BRITAIN INTO NINETEENTH CENTURY EROTIC REVOLUTION?

EXTINCT BY ROYAL APPOINTMENT

ARE ROYAL FAMILY HUNTING ENDANGERED SPECIES TO EXTINCTION? EXOTIC ANIMALS ALLEGEDLY SMUGGLED ONTO ROYAL ESTATES!

PRINCE PHILIP KILLED MY WIFE!

HAS DUKE OF EDINBURGH GONE 'KILL CRAZY' AFTER GETTING AWAY WITH DIANA'S MURDER? TOP-LEVEL COVER-UP CONCEALS CATALOGUE OF CRIMES?

THE EVILS OF RELIGION

UNDERCOVER REPORTER REVEALS TRUTH BEHIND THE SO-CALLED CREED OF LOVE WHICH PREACHES HATRED AND ABUSES CHILDREN!

HEAVEN IN A CRACK PIPE

POLICE ANNOUNCE CRACKDOWN ON DRUG-PEDDLING PRIESTS AS SENIOR CLERIC CLAIMS DIVINE NEW NARCOTIC IS VITAL TOOL IN BATTLE TO SAVE SOULS!

PLEASURING THE POPE

SELF ABUSERS NO LONGER RISK ETERNAL DAMNATION AS VATICAN ENDORSES MASTURBATION! ONLY TO BE USED FOR EMERGENCY SEXUAL RELIEF!

EXCREMENT AND ECSTASY

TOP PSYCHOLOGIST'S ATTEMPTS TO CURE BRITAIN'S MILLIONS OF TOILET PHOBICS OPPOSED BY RELIGIOUS SECT WHICH CLAIMS CRAPPING IN STREET IS FORM OF WORSHIP!

GIVING CHRIST THE HORN!

DOES SUPPRESSED DA VINCI NUDE CHRIST HOLD KEY TO VATICAN'S GREATEST SECRET? CHURCH TRIES TO KEEP JESUS' PENIS UNDER WRAPS!

SAINTS ALIVE!

CHURCH ROCKED BY 'CASH FOR CANONISATION SCANDAL' AMID CLAIMS THAT WEALTHY DONORS BEING FAST-TRACKED TO SAINTHOOD!

THONGS OF PRAISE!

GIRL BECOMES FULL MOON GODDESS AFTER POSTING PICTURES OF BEHIND ON WEB - PANTIES SOLD AS HOLY RELICS! DIVINE BOTTOM BECOMES TARGET FOR FEUDING RELIGIOUS CULTS!

CARDINAL SINS!

SAINTS AND SINNERS! RELIGIOUS PORNOGRAPHY AND THE PRIESTS WHO MAKE IT REVEALED!

POPE ON A ROPE?

AMAZING VATICAN PLOT TO REANIMATE DEAD POPE AS PUPPET EXPOSED! CARDINALS FEARED UPSURGE IN SUPER VILLAINY IF DEATH OF CRIME FIGHTING SUPERHERO POPE REVEALED!

JESUS FREAK!

WARRANT ISSUED FOR ARREST OF JESUS ON CHILD ABUSE CHARGES! IS THE MESSIAH THE NEW WHACKO JACKO?

VATICAN CONFIDENTIAL

INCREDIBLE SECURITY OPERATION TO PROTECT DEAD POPE FROM BODYSNATCHERS! PAPAL FUNERAL BECOMES TOP TARGET FOR MILITANTS AND PRANKSTERS!

DIE, LADY DI!

BRITAIN'S TOP VAMPIRE HUNTER RESCUES INNOCENT GIRL FROM VAMPIRIC CLUTCHES OF UNDEAD PRINCESS DI! BRANDED GRAVE-ROBBING CHARLATAN AND SEXUAL PREDATOR BY RIVAL OCCULTIST!

LIVE AND LET DI!

DID PRINCESS DI PERISH IN SHOOT-OUT WITH POLICE AFTER TRANS-CONTINENTAL CRIME SPREE? WERE CASH-STRAPPED DODI AND DI A MODERN DAY BONNIE AND CLYDE?

BASHING THE BISHOP!

SEX, DRUGS AND HOLY COMMUNION! AMAZING ROCK AND ROLL LIFESTYLES OF BRITAIN'S 'BLING, BLING BISHOPS' EXPOSED - TOPLESS MODELS, TURF WARS AND FAST CARS!

CHRIST ALMIGHTY!

MESSIAH SIGNS TV DEAL AS SECOND COMING FLOPS! MIRACLES WIN PRIZES ON PROPOSED NEW GAME SHOW! CASH OFFERED FOR EVERY SINNER CONVERTED TO CHRIST ON LIVE TV!

HOLY TERROR!

HOLY WAR ON TERROR DECLARED AS GOVERNMENT INVOKES WITCHCRAFT ACTS! NEW ANTI-TERROR MEASURES TO INCLUDE DUCKINGS, BURNINGS AND HUGE CRUCIFIXES!

CLOWN PRINCE!

RIGHT ROYAL RUCKUS AS FAKE BUTLER REVEALED AS COMEDY TERRORIST! CRAPS IN PRINCE CHARLES' BED AS PART OF PLOT TO BRING DOWN MONARCHY WITH GROSS TOILET HUMOUR!

SACRED FAME!

PRINCESS DI - PATRON SAINT OF ADULTERY? JOHN LENNON - HALLUCINOGENIC SAVIOUR? ANGLICAN CHURCH PROPOSES CELEBRITY SAINTS FOR POPULIST APPEAL!

BARMY PRINCE CHARLIE!

PRINCE CHARLES WARNS OF THREAT POSED TO MANKIND BY GIANT TEST TUBE PENISES BRED BY FEMINIST SCIENTISTS! HAS ROYAL HEIR FINALLY LOST IT?

BIBLE BASHERS!

MORAL CAMPAIGNERS BAN BIBLE! BOTH TESTAMENTS CONDEMNED FOR SEX AND VIOLENCE! JESUS CITED AS POOR ROLE MODEL FOR MODERN YOUTH!

HOLY SHIT, HOLY GRAIL!

RELIGIOUS SENSATION AS FACE OF CHRIST APPEARS IN TOILET BOWL! PILGRIMS FLOCK TO FRENCH PUBLIC TOILET SEEKING MIRACLE CURES!

MURDER MOST REGAL!

WAS SENILE QUEEN MUM MURDERED TO SAVE ROYALS FROM NAZI SEX SCANDAL IN JUBILEE YEAR? SENSATIONAL CLAIMS OF ROYAL EUTHANASIA!

Religion and Royalty:

PORN AGAIN!‘NUNS’ SOLICIT FOR SEX AS RENEGADE PRIEST TAKES MISSION TO RED LIGHT DISTRICT! SINNERS SAVED AS DIVINE SEX OPENS GATES OF PARADISE!

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PORN AGAIN!

‘NUNS’ SOLICIT FOR SEX AS RENEGADE PRIEST TAKES MISSION TO RED LIGHT DISTRICT! SINNERS SAVED AS DIVINE SEX OPENS GATES OF PARADISE!