TV CHIEFS ACCUSED OF COMMERCIALISING MASS MURDER AS NEW GAMESHOW PITS CONTESTANTS AGAINST SERIAL KILLER! TALENT SHOW FOR MURDERERS PLANNED!
‘NUNS’ SOLICIT FOR SEX AS RENEGADE PRIEST TAKES MISSION TO RED LIGHT DISTRICT! SINNERS SAVED AS DIVINE SEX OPENS GATES OF PARADISE!
NOTORIOUS SERIAL KILLERS RETURN FROM GRAVE FOR MUDEROUS RAMPAGE! SUSSEX MAN FIGHTS UNDEAD CHILD KILLER AND ZOMBIE MASS MURDERER!
FIREFIGHTERS ACCUSED OF FIRE-BOMBING HOMES TO DRUM UP BUSINESS AND SAVE JOBS! TORY MP ALSO CLAIMS POLICE COMMITING CRIMES TO BOOST BUDGETS!
WAS SENILE QUEEN MUM MURDERED TO SAVE ROYALS FROM NAZI SEX SCANDAL IN JUBILEE YEAR? SENSATIONAL CLAIMS OF ROYAL EUTHANASIA!
PORN DELIVERED BY TRUCKLOAD TO OBSSESSED STARS’ HOMES! ARE CELEBRITIES IN DANGER OF OVERDOSING ON HIGH QUALITY SMUT?
PRIME MINISTER PLANS TO ANSWER CRITICS WITH OWN CRUCIFIXION AND RESURRECTION! PROMISES TRUE MORAL LEADERSHIP FOR NATION AFTER ASCENSION TO HEAVEN!
BLAIR PLANS MILITARY ACTION TO OUST LONDON MAYOR - FEARS PROLIFERATION OF EVIL ‘CONGESTION CHARGING’ SCHEME!
TOP TABLOID EDITORS CLAIM GROSS INVASION OF PRIVACY AS CELEBS PUBLISH SECRETLY SNATCHED SORDID SEX PICTURES OF PAPARAZZI!
BIG PINK LOVE TORPEDO TAKES BRITISH SUB UP THE ARSE AS ROYAL NAVY WARSHIP GOES GAY! TRANSVESTITE TEMPTRESSES TARGET BRITISH SAILORS!
US PRESIDENT TO WAGE APOCALYPTIC WAR ON SINNERS! ‘GAY BOMB’ DEVELOPED TO COMBAT INTERNATIONAL DEVIANCY!
RELIGIOUS SENSATION AS FACE OF CHRIST APPEARS IN TOILET BOWL! PILGRIMS FLOCK TO FRENCH PUBLIC TOILET SEEKING MIRACLE CURES!
IS SADDAM'S PENIS THE SMOKING GUN? IRAQI DICTATOR SPOTTED IN US PORN VIDEO! EVIDENCE OF DESPOT'S ESCAPE TO CALIFORNIA OR CIA FAKERY?
TERRORISTS STRIKE AT BRITAIN'S MONUMENTS IN SNEAK ATTACK ON MODEL VILLAGE! HAVE SECURITY SERVICES EXAGERRATED AL QAEDA THREAT?
MORAL CAMPAIGNERS BAN BIBLE! BOTH TESTAMENTS CONDEMNED FOR SEX AND VIOLENCE! JESUS CITED AS POOR ROLE MODEL FOR MODERN YOUTH!
DECLINING JOURNALISTIC STANDARDS CONDEMNED AS NEWSPAPER EMPLOYS SEX OFFENDER TO SPY ON TEEN REVELLERS!
PRINCE CHARLES WARNS OF THREAT POSED TO MANKIND BY GIANT TEST TUBE PENISES BRED BY FEMINIST SCIENTISTS! HAS ROYAL HEIR FINALLY LOST IT?
TOWN AIMS TO MAKE CRIME PAY AS IT BIDS TO BECOME EURO MURDER CAPITAL! RELOCATION GRANTS OFFERED TO PSYCHOPATHS AND MASS MURDERERS!
VANDALS' HOMES VANDALISED AS POLICE DISPENSE ON THE SPOT 'JUSTICE' UNDER NEW ANTI-CRIME INITIATIVE! RETRIBUTION NOT JUSTICE VOWS HOME SECRETARY!
US DESPERATELY SEEKS NEW ENEMIES AS RUMSFIELD REVEALS CONTRACTS FOR NEXT POST-WAR REBUILDING PROGRAMME ALREADY LET! CONTINUED PEACE THREATENS THOUSANDS OF JOBS!
EVIL INFLUENCE OF FACTUAL TV CONDEMNED AS BUSH ADMITS IRAQ INVASION INSPIRED BY WATCHING NAZI DOCUMENTARIES! BIN LADEN AIDE CITES INFLUENCE OF 'JACKASS'!
NUDE MOB STRIPS CELEBS AS MILITANT NATURISTS 'OUT' SECRET NUDISTS! NAKED BISHOP THREATENS TO SPLIT CHURCH AS BRITAIN BESEIGED BY NUDISTS!
CRUCIFIX WIELDING MOB STORM IMMIGRATION CENTRE AS TORY MP ACCUSES ASYLUM SEEKERS OF WITCHCRAFT! UNHOLINESS TEST PROPOSED FOR IMMIGRANTS!
TOP CELEBRITIES FEED THE WORLD AS FAMINE-STRUCK AFRICAN VILLAGERS FEAST ON FAME! PLANS TO AIR-DROP FAMOUS AND OVERFED INTO REMOTEST AREAS TO RELIEVE STARVATION!
PORN-OBSESSED EVIL SPIRIT TERRORISES FAMILY! PARANORMAL EXPERTS BAFFLED AS HOUSE ROCKED BY NOCTURNAL GROANS AND ECTOPLASM SODDEN UNDERWEAR!
PRINCESS DI - PATRON SAINT OF ADULTERY? JOHN LENNON - HALLUCINOGENIC SAVIOUR? ANGLICAN CHURCH PROPOSES CELEBRITY SAINTS FOR POPULIST APPEAL!
NEW CELEBRITY CRAZE SCARES CRAP OUT OF HOLLYWOOD STARS! PRICE PUT ON FEAR AS RICH AND FAMOUS PAY FOR FAKE ABDUCTIONS, MURDERS AND TORTURE TO PUT FRIGHTENERS ON THEMSELVES!
WAS POLICE CAR IN FATAL CRASH DRIVEN BY BLIND OFFICER? FURY AS NEWSPAPER CLAIMS PUBLIC AT RISK FROM GOVT POLICY OF EMPLOYING DISABLED IN EMERGENCY SERVICES!
FROM REGIME CHANGE TO MAKEOVER! UK TO SEND IN TV HOME IMPROVEMENT GURUS TO RECONSTRUCT IRAQ! PLOT TO PRICE LOCAL DISSIDENTS OUT OF HOUSING MARKET?
RIGHT ROYAL RUCKUS AS FAKE BUTLER REVEALED AS COMEDY TERRORIST! CRAPS IN PRINCE CHARLES' BED AS PART OF PLOT TO BRING DOWN MONARCHY WITH GROSS TOILET HUMOUR!
MASTURBATORS CLAIM SEXUAL DISCRIMINATION! CALL FOR FOR PUBLIC ACCEPTANCE OF ONANISM AS LEGITIMATE SEXUAL ACTIVITY!
US CITIES ON YULETIDE TERROR ALERT AS PLOT TO HIJACK SANTA'S SLEIGH EXPOSED! ARE SANTA'S ANNUAL ALTRUISTIC ACTS COVER FOR GIANT CRIME NETWORK?
PRESIDENT ADVISED OWN ASSASSINATION IS KEY TO RE-ELECTION! MUMMIFIED BUSH TO RULE FROM PYRAMID FOR SECOND TERM? CONTROVERSIAL STRATEGY REVEALED!
OUTRAGE AS NEWSPAPER EDITOR CLAIMS DISABILITY A BLESSING IN DISGUISE AFTER SPENDING WEEK IN WHEELCHAIR AS PART OF SOCIAL EXPERIMENT!
BRITONS EMIGRATE TO THIRD WORLD TO RETURN AS ASYLUM SEEKERS FOR PRIORITY HOUSING AND HOSPITAL TREATMENT! TELL OF INTERNMENT AND DEPORTATION ORDEAL!
BROWN TROUT ON MENU AS TORY MP ADVOCATES FEEDING CHILDREN TURDS TO BUILD UP IMMUNITY TO DISEASES! DOCTORS FEAR EXCRETA EATING COULD BE DANGEROUS NEW DIETARY FAD!
HOLY WAR ON TERROR DECLARED AS GOVERNMENT INVOKES WITCHCRAFT ACTS! NEW ANTI-TERROR MEASURES TO INCLUDE DUCKINGS, BURNINGS AND HUGE CRUCIFIXES!
AUTO-TERRORISTS 'CLAIM ROADS BACK FOR MOTORISTS' WITH MISSILE ATTACK ON SPEED CAMERAS! CHAOS AS ROADWORKS ATTACKED AND WORKMEN BEATEN UP BY MOTORISTS!
I WAS A HOMOSEXUAL FOR THE FBI!
AMAZING TRUE STORY OF INTREPID FBI AGENT'S FIGHT AGAINST PINK MENACE! PLOT TO TAKE JOHN WAYNE FROM BEHIND FOILED BY CLOSET HETERO!
DEPUTY PREMIER FED RADIOACTIVE PIES TO CREATE GIANT APE CREATURE TO COMBAT TERRORIST-CONTROLLED MUTANT MONSTERS!
PANIC SWEEPS BRITAIN AS FURIOUS PENSIONERS GO ON BLOODY RAMPAGE! CULL OF OVER SIXTIES PROPOSED AS YOUTHS ATTACKED BY RABID COFFIN-DODGERS!
MESSIAH SIGNS TV DEAL AS SECOND COMING FLOPS! MIRACLES WIN PRIZES ON PROPOSED NEW GAME SHOW! CASH OFFERED FOR EVERY SINNER CONVERTED TO CHRIST ON LIVE TV!
MILD MANNERED ALTER EGO SACKED FOR ABSENTEEISM AS SUPERHERO SAVES WORLD! ARE SUPER-POWERS BLESSING OR CURSE? UK'S TRAUMATISED CAPED CRUSADERS SPEAK OUT!
FLATULENT FANATICS POSE MAJOR NEW THREAT TO BRITAIN! SUBWAY GAS ATTACK AVERTED AS SUSPECT'S ARSE CORKED IN NICK OF TIME!
SEX, DRUGS AND HOLY COMMUNION! AMAZING ROCK AND ROLL LIFESTYLES OF BRITAIN'S 'BLING, BLING BISHOPS' EXPOSED - TOPLESS MODELS, TURF WARS AND FAST CARS!
CONTESTANTS FAKE ILLNESS AND MISFORTUNE FOR CASH IN NEW TV GAME SHOW! SERIOUS SOCIOLOGICAL EXPERIMENT OR REALITY TV GONE TOO FAR?
ABU GHRAIB ABUSE SCANDAL SPREADS TO WHITE HOUSE AS SHOCKING NEW PHOTOS SHOW PRESIDENT HUMILIATED AND ABUSED BY AIDES!
PANIC GRIPS TINSEL TOWN AS CALIFORNIA DECLARES OPEN SEASON ON CELEBRITIES! GOVERNOR CLAIMS CULL IS ONLY HUMANE WAY TO CONTROL NUMBERS!
ROGUE RICHARD NIXON RUNS AMOK AS SINISTER PLOT TO CLONE PAST PRESIDENTS FOR THEME PARK REVEALED! ACADEMIC CHASED BY PACK OF WILD KENNEDYS!
MEET THE MEN WHO HUNT DOWN ABANDONED SMUT IN BRITAIN'S BACK PASSAGES AND ALLEY WAYS! THRILL OF THE CHASE OR GUILTY PLEASURE?
DID PRINCESS DI PERISH IN SHOOT-OUT WITH POLICE AFTER TRANS-CONTINENTAL CRIME SPREE? WERE CASH-STRAPPED DODI AND DI A MODERN DAY BONNIE AND CLYDE?
VATICAN DECLARES HOLY WAR ON WHITE HOUSE AS POPE BRANDS PRESIDENT BUSH THE ANTI-CHRIST! PRIESTS RECEIVE HOLY ORDERS TO KILL DUBYA!
AS RAUNCHY NEW LAD'S MAG LAUNCHES, 'THE SLEAZE' ASKS: MEN'S MAGAZINES - REDEFINING MASCULINITY FOR THE TWENTY FIRST CENTURY OR JUST SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE PORN?
WIFE SWAPPING WITH SERIAL KILLERS! HOMEMADE TORTURE DUNGEONS! ALIENS CRASHING SWINGER'S PARTIES! NEW DOCUMENTARY EXPOSES DARK SECRETS OF BRITISH SUBURBIA!
STARS UNLEASH EVIL SPIRITS AGAINST RIVALS AS VOODOO BECOMES NEW CELEBRITY RELIGION! BLOOD SACRIFICES REPLACE TALENT AS KEY TO SUCCESS!
SADDAM CLAIMS PRESIDENT BUSH'S OBSESSIVE STALKING HAS RUINED HIS LIFE! WAS INVASION OF IRAQ REALLY TRIGGERED BY SADDAM'S SPURNING OF DUBYA'S AMOUROUS ATTENTIONS?
SUSPECTED HIPPIES ROUNDED UP AS GOVERNMENT CRACKS DOWN ON SIXTIES RADICALISM! PERMISSIVE SOCIETY STILL CORRUPTING OUR KIDS CLAIMS BLAIR!
ARE SUPERMARKET CHIEFS EXPLOITING ALIEN TECHNOLOGY TO GAIN COMPETITIVE EDGE OVER RIVALS? IS CRASHED FLYING SAUCER BEING HIDDEN AT SUPERMARKET?
MASS EXTINCTIONS FEARED AS CELEBRITY CHEFS SERVE UP ENDANGERED SPECIES! MASSIVE ILLICIT TRADE IN EXOTIC ANIMALS FOR CONSUMPTION UNCOVERED!
ANIMAL RIGHTS PROTESTERS RELEASE ANIMALS FROM RESEARCH CENTRE LAB AND OFFER THEMSELVES UP AS EXPERIMENTAL SUBJECTS INSTEAD!
BLAIR PERFORMS WHITE HOUSE EXORCISM ON DUBYA! BUSH POSSESSED BY NIXON'S EVIL SPIRIT AS SEANCE TO SUMMON PAST PRESIDENTS FOR POLICY ADVICE GOES AWRY!
DID ANCIENT ASTRONAUTS STOP OFF ON EARTH FOR A DUMP? IS STONEHENGE AN ALIEN CRAPPER? DEFECATORY ORIGINS OF HUMAN CIVILISATION REVEALED!
BRITAIN'S TOP VAMPIRE HUNTER RESCUES INNOCENT GIRL FROM VAMPIRIC CLUTCHES OF UNDEAD PRINCESS DI! BRANDED GRAVE-ROBBING CHARLATAN AND SEXUAL PREDATOR BY RIVAL OCCULTIST!
ACTION MAN TURNS TERRORIST! BLACK LEATHER BARBIE GETS A SPANKING! ARE INCREASINGLY VIOLENT AND SEXUALLY EXPLICIT TOYS CORRUPTING OUR KIDS?
WILL BRITAIN'S POLITICIANS BARE ALL TO PUBLIC IN QUEST FOR VOTES? REALITY TV TECHNIQUES TO BE APPLIED TO UK POLITICS TO BATTLE VOTER APATHY!
ARE POLICE GOING TOO FAR BY DRESSING AS 'SUPERVILLAINS' TO COMBAT 'SUPERHERO' FATHERS' RIGHTS PROTESTERS?
BLUNKETT PROMISES TO PERSONALLY BEAT UP CRIMINALS! TAKES ON TORY RIVAL IN CONTEST TO INTRODUCE MOST REPRESSIVE LEGISLATION IN NAME OF LAW AND ORDER!
SANTA IS DEAD! FESTIVE ICON DIES IN SHOOT-OUT WITH POLICE! TERROR LINK DENIED AS ANTI-CAPITALISM CAMPAIGN CULMINATES IN DOWNING STREET ROOFTOP DRAMA!
FORMER HOME SECRETARY VOWS TO CONTINUE FIGHT AGAINST CRIME DESPITE RESIGNATION! BLUNKETT AND GUIDE DOG DON CLOAKS AND TIGHTS TO COMBAT EVIL-DOERS ON BRITAIN'S STREETS!
LONDON BROUGHT TO HALT BY KERB-CRAWLING WOMEN SEEKING 'ROUGH SEX' WITH BEGGARS! ARE HOMELESS BEING SEXPLOITED TO SATISFY FILTHY FANTASIES OF BORED HOUSEWIVES?
EXCOMMUNICATION OF THE DALEKS!
VATICAN FURY AS POPE REPLACES DAVROS AS DALEK LEADER IN SHOCKING NEW DR WHO STORY! FANS FEAR THAT LONG-RUNNING BBC DRAMA IS GOING GAY!
DOES FORMER PRESIDENT'S PENIS HOLD KEY TO AMERICA'S SECRET TREASURE? TERRORISTS AND PATRIOTS BATTLE FOR SECRET OF ANCIENT MAP TATTOOED ON CLINTON'S FORESKIN!
PRINCE HARRY'S NAZI OUTFIT - FASHION FAUX PAS OR CUTTING EDGE OF YOUTH CULTURE? NAZI FASHION CRAZE SWEEPS BRITAIN'S YOUTH AS CLUBBERS DO THE GOOSE STEP!
DID MICHAEL JACKSON LURE YOUNG CHILDREN TO HIS RANCH TO STEAL THEIR ORGANS IN HIS QUEST FOR ETERNAL YOUTH? DEFENCE TO CLAIM JACKO IS SERIAL KILLER, NOT KIDDIE FIDDLER!
MARLON BRANDO'S CREMATION SPARKS PROTESTS FROM ENVIRONMENTALISTS - CLAIM EMISSIONS WILL FUEL GLOBAL WARMING! HIGHLIGHT ECOLOGICAL THREAT POSED BY THE GROSSLY OBESE!
AMERICA SHOCKED AS FORMER WHITE HOUSE AIDE ALLEGES GEORGE BUSH SNR-DEEP THROAT CONNECTION! DID FORMER PRESIDENT REALLY APPEAR IN HARDCORE PORN FILM?
TOP SEX THERAPIST OFFERS RADICAL MARXIST APPROACH TO SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION! SEEKS REDISTRIBUTION OF SEXUAL ENERGY TO BRING BENEFITS OF ORGASM TO PROLETERIAT!
ARE ALL THE QUEEN'S HORSES RUNNING WILD? INCREDIBLE ALEGATIONS OF DRINK, DRUGS, SEXUAL HARASSMENT AND BULLYING FROM THE STABLES OF ELITE CAVALRY REGIMENT!
IS BRITAIN LOSING THE RACE TO PRODUCE WORLD CLASS PERVERTS? WILL NEW US REPRESSION END UK DOMINATION OF GLOBAL SEX OFFENDER LEAGUES?
INCREDIBLE SECURITY OPERATION TO PROTECT DEAD POPE FROM BODYSNATCHERS! PAPAL FUNERAL BECOMES TOP TARGET FOR MILITANTS AND PRANKSTERS!
ARE ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS BEING LURED TO UK TO HAVE HEALTHY ORGANS SWAPPED FOR WORN OUT INNARDS OF WEALTHY BRITONS?
AMAZING VATICAN PLOT TO REANIMATE DEAD POPE AS PUPPET EXPOSED! CARDINALS FEARED UPSURGE IN SUPER VILLAINY IF DEATH OF CRIME FIGHTING SUPERHERO POPE REVEALED!
FEARS OF UPSURGE IN FLAYINGS AND SCALPINGS AS WEARING HUMAN SKIN BECOMES LATEST CELEBRITY FASHION CRAZE! PERFECT HUMANE ALTERNATIVE TO FUR CLAIM ADVOCATES!
WARRANT ISSUED FOR ARREST OF JESUS ON CHILD ABUSE CHARGES! IS THE MESSIAH THE NEW WHACKO JACKO?
STALKERS FOR HIRE! AMAZING NEW SERVICE MATCHES STARS WITH THEIR PERFECT STALKERS - ALL THE STATUS OF BEING STALKED WITHOUT THE RISK!
PUBLIC AND POLITICIANS UNITE TO CONDEMN CELEBRITY HIJACKING OF WORTHY CAUSES! MARCHES ON TOP STARS' LUXURY HOMES ORGANISED AS PART OF ANTI-CELEBRITY CAMPAIGN!
SAINTS AND SINNERS! RELIGIOUS PORNOGRAPHY AND THE PRIESTS WHO MAKE IT REVEALED!
POP ART OR HEALTH HAZARD? NEW 'HAPPY CRAPPING' CRAZE INVESTIGATED! YOUTHS USE MOBILE PHONES TO RECORD GROSS ACTS OF PUBLIC DEFECATION!
GIRL BECOMES FULL MOON GODDESS AFTER POSTING PICTURES OF BEHIND ON WEB - PANTIES SOLD AS HOLY RELICS! DIVINE BOTTOM BECOMES TARGET FOR FEUDING RELIGIOUS CULTS!
LONDON FACES NEW TERROR THREAT AS SUICIDE SEX BOMBERS STRIKE AT CAPITAL'S HEART AND GONADS! PUBLIC WARNED TO REPORT SEXUALLY PROVOCATIVE YOUNG WOMEN TO POLICE!
ARE ALIEN NATURISTS TO BLAME FOR NUDE RIOTS SWEEPING BRITAIN? CONTACTEES TELL OF MEN IN BLACK PREACHING 'PEACE THROUGH NUDITY'!
ALLEGATIONS OF 'WAR-PROFITEERING' AS POLICE TERROR HOT LINE SERVES UP PREMIUM RATE HARDCORE PHONE SEX! HAS OUT-SOURCING OF POLICE SUPPORT SERVICES GONE TOO FAR?
BRITISH NATIONALISTS CLAIM ASYLUM AS NEW ANTI-TERROR LAWS USED TO DEPORT DOMESTIC EXTREMISTS! FAR RIGHT TURN TO ISLAM IN QUEST FOR NEW IMAGE!
IS BRITISH TV PLUMBING NEW DEPTHS? CELEBRITY PORNOGRAPHY AND SUPERSTAR DRINKING CONTESTS HEAD AUTUMN SCHEDULES AS PROGRAMMERS DESPERATELY CHASE RATINGS!
CUBA TO SEND HUNDREDS OF PIMPS TO ASSIST ECONOMIC RECOVERY OF NEW ORLEANS! LOCAL VICE DISRUPTED AS FLOODS WASH AWAY PROSTITUTES!
ARE BRITISH SOLDIERS OUT OF CONTROL? TROOPS STORM COLCHESTER POLICE STATION TO FREE 'DRUNK AND DISORDERLY' COLLEAGUES!
NEW DOCUMENTARY EXPOSES BRITAIN'S SUBURBAN CANNIBALS! HUMAN FLESH ON THE MENU FROM HAMPSTEAD DINNER PARTIES TO TEN DOWNING STREET!
YOUNG WOMEN LEFT HAIRLESS AND SHINY AS CRAZED FIEND ABDUCTS AND WAXES VICTIMS! TRAGIC WAXING ACCIDENT TURNS TOP BEAUTICIAN INTO NOCTURNAL PUBE-PURLOINING MONSTER!
OCCULTIST'S POSSESSED TOILET TERRORISES HOTEL - FOUL ODOURS AND THINGS THAT GO SPLASH IN THE NIGHT DRIVE OUT GUESTS AND TRAUMATISE STAFF!
WHITE HOUSE ROCKED BY NEW SCANDAL AS AMERICANS LEARN OF BUSH AND CHENEY'S SECRET GAY MARRIAGE! US PUBLIC ASKS: 'WAS BUSH THE BITCH'?
BARNEY THE DINOSAUR BEHEADED AS LITTLE BLUE INSURGENTS RETALIATE AGAINST US FOR BOMBING OF SMURFLAND! FATHER ABRAHAM CO-ORDINATING SMURF TERROR NETWORK!
LONDON'S RESTAURANTS UNDER ATTACK FROM EXPLODING 'SUICIDE EATERS'! OBESE MILITANTS PROTEST AT SOCIETY'S TREATMENT OF THE OVERWEIGHT!
TOP POLICEMAN WARNS OF IMMINENT MUMMY ATTACKS ON BRITAIN! PRIME MINISTER ORDERS DETENTION OF ALL FEZ WEARING FOREIGNERS TO COMBAT 'CREDIBLE NEW TERROR THREAT'!
SANTA'S WHITE SUPREMACIST XMAS!
IS SANTA A NAZI WAR CRIMINAL? THIRD REICH LINKS SURFACE AS FASCIST FATHER XMAS WAGES REIGN OF RACIST TERROR IN NORTH LONDON!
VIOLENCE ERUPTS AS STRIKING SANTAS CLASH WITH POLICE ON PICKET LINES IN FIGHT TO KEEP CHRISTMAS TRADITIONAL!
BRITISH GOVERNMENT TOTALLY UNPREPARED FOR MONSTER ATTACKS! MASSIVE OFFICIAL COVER-UPS TO CONCEAL EXTENT OF MONSTER RAMPAGES IN UK!
NEW TV SHOW INCARCERATES PARTICIPANTS IN FAKE CIA TORTURE CAMP! WILL THEY BE DUPED INTO CONFESSING TO TERROR OUTRAGES?
GOVERNMENT PLANS TO PUT A SEX OFFENDER IN EVERY SCHOOL BY 2012! ONLY REGULAR PERVERTS ALLOWED IN CLASSROOMS - NONCES SCREENED OUT!
ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR ORDERS BROUGHT AGAINST GOVERNMENT BY UK CITIZENS SEEKING RESPECT! BLAIR FORCED TO ATTEND 'GOOD GOVERNANCE' CLASSES!
OUTRAGE AS MI5 ADMITS TO EMPLOYING SEX OFFENDERS TO SPY ON TERROR SUSPECTS! SECRET SURVEILLANCE TAPES SOLD ON NET AS PORN VIDEOS!
SEX, SEASONING AND PUFF PASTRY! IS COOKERY THE NEW PORNOGRAPHY? TOP COOK'S NEW BOOK LIFTS LID ON WILD WORLD OF BRITAIN'S CELEBRITY CHEFS!
PUBLIC INCONVENIENCE AS TERRORISTS STRIKE AT LONDON'S TOILETS! POLICE SECURITY CHECKS CREATE MASSIVE QUEUES AT CAPITAL'S PUBLIC CONVENIENCES!
YOUNG BRITISH HOLIDAYMAKERS OFFERED ULTIMATE CLUBBING EXPERIENCE! ANIMAL RIGHTS GROUPS CONDEMN SEX,SNOW AND SEAL SLAUGHTER PACKAGE TOURS!
IRAQI HOSTAGES FORCED TO PARTICIPATE IN PORN VIDEOS SOLD TO FINANCE INSURGENCY! CLAIMS THAT IRAQI BONDAGE MOVIE INSPIRED BY ABU GHRAIB SCANDAL!
HARMLESS RURAL TRADITION OR TWISTED SEXUAL PERVERSION? VILLAGERS FIGHT GOVERNMENT BAN ON TRADITIONAL BOTTOM THRASHING FESTIVAL!
CHURCH ROCKED BY 'CASH FOR CANONISATION SCANDAL' AMID CLAIMS THAT WEALTHY DONORS BEING FAST-TRACKED TO SAINTHOOD!
FEARS OF MASS PANIC AS BIRD FLU HITS BRITAIN! GOVERNMENT URGES CALM AS MOBS FIRE BOMB PIGEON LOFTS AND ATTACK SUSPECTED ILLEGAL MIGRATORY BIRDS!
"SCIENTISTS MADE MY TESTICLES EXPLODE!" PATIENTS SUFFER BIZARRE SIDE-EFFECTS AS MORE DRUG TRIALS GO AWRY!
UK GOVERNMENT UNDER FIRE FOR IMPORTING FOREIGN CRIMINALS TO BOLSTER CRIME FIGURES!
DOES SUPPRESSED DA VINCI NUDE CHRIST HOLD KEY TO VATICAN'S GREATEST SECRET? CHURCH TRIES TO KEEP JESUS' PENIS UNDER WRAPS!
CONVICTED PERVERTS TO BE ALLOWED TO MOLEST VOLUNTEER VICTIMS AS THERAPY! OUTRAGE AS CONTROVERSIAL NEW TREATMENT FOR SEX OFFENDERS UNVEILED!
CARRY ON AGAIN DOCTOR AS GOVERNMENT RECRUITS SEXY NURSES AND COMIC DOCTORS IN ATTEMPT TO RESTORE PUBLIC FAITH IN HEALTH SERVICE BY MAKING ILLNESS FUN!
BRITAIN BATTERED BY FISH ASSAULTS! CALLS FOR RESTRICTIONS ON OVER THE COUNTER SALES OF FRESH FISH AS PISCEAN-RELATED CRIME SOARS!
EXCREMENT EATING AND EJACULATION 'SHOOT OUTS' AS CONTESTANTS IN ANNUAL FILTH FEST SQUARE OFF FOR LIVE TV FINAL! WHO WILL BE BRITAIN'S NEW KING OF FILTH?
BRITAIN'S TORIES GO HIP HOP AS DAVID CAMERON 'RUNS WITH THE BIG DOG' TO TAKE 'COOLSERVATIVE' MESSAGE TO DISAFFECTED BRITISH YOUTH!
IS FORMER PRESIDENT CLINTON ACTUALLY A PORN-POWERED ALIEN ROBOT? BRITISH COMPUTER HACKER UNCOVERS SECRETS OF PROJECT PORNUCOPIA!
ILLEGAL INTERNET TRADE IN CELEBRITIES THREATENS TO DRIVE HOLLYWOOD'S RAREST STARS TO VERGE OF EXTINCTION! CALLS FOR CREATION OF SPECIAL CELEBRITY RESERVATIONS!
CALLS FOR EXHIBITION BAN AS ARTIST'S GIANT CELEBRITY GENITALIA SCULPTURES RUN AMOK! PANIC AS OUTSIZE INFLATABLE PENIS DEMOLISHES TOWN!
DID THE REAL PAUL McCARTNEY DIE IN 1966 CAR CRASH? GHOST OF GEORGE HARRISON REVEALS AMAZING TRUTH BEHIND MYSTERY!
GOVERNMENT ADOPTS RADICAL NEW STRATEGY IN WAR ON OBESITY - STIGMATISE THE FAT! RIOTS ENSUE AS SALES OF CONFECTIONARY RESTRICTED!
REVEALED AT LAST - THE UNSUNG HEROES OF THE WAR ON TERROR: COPYRIGHT LAWYERS! PLAGIARISM CHALLENGE FORCES AL QAEIDA TO ABANDON ATTACK!
NEWLY PERFECTED TIME PORTAL TECHNOLOGY HAILED AS GREATEST INNOVATION IN MASS ENTERTAINMENT SINCE INVENTION OF TV!
THE DEAD ARE RISING FROM THEIR GRAVES - TO VOTE TORY! CONSERVATIVE LEADER DAVID CAMERON'S SINISTER NEW STRATEGY TO FLOOD POLLS WITH LIVING DEAD VOTERS REVEALED!
PHANTOMS FLEE TOP TV GHOST HUNTER'S MONSTROUS ENCHANTED ERECTIONS! DOES SPIRIT OF DEAD PORN STAR GUIDE EXORCIST'S HANDS AS HE WHACKS OFF IN FACE OF FEAR?
RIVAL MONSTER HUNTERS CLASH AS MYSTERIOUS HAIRY CREATURE TERRORISES TOWN!
BRITAIN'S TORIES AIM TO 'SEX UP' IMAGE WITH DARING NEW 'PARTY PORNOGRAPHIC BROADCASTS'! NAKED CAMERON AIMS FOR 'GENERAL ERECTION' VICTORY!
PRESIDENT BUSH DECLARES WAR ON CLIMATE CHANGE - US BOMBERS SENT TO NEUTRALISE WORST FOREIGN POLLUTERS! CAN GUNG HO GREENERY SAVE THE WORLD?
MEDICINE AND RELIGION CLASH OVER WHETHER PSYCHOTHERAPY OR EXORCISM IS MOST EFFECTIVE TREATMENT FOR HOMOSEXUALS!
FESTIVE FEAR AS BRITAIN'S CHRISTMAS TREES TURN BODY SNATCHERS! THREAT OF CHRISTMAS EVERY DAY AS SEASONALLY-OBSESSED REPLICANTS TAKE OVER!
PROTESTS AS GOVERNMENT AWARDS CHRISTMAS FRANCHISE TO PORN BARON! SEXY SANTA REPLACES BABY JESUS IN RADICAL REVAMP!
DOES CHANCELLOR GORDON BROWN STALK THE STREETS OF SOHO PROCURING YOUNG WOMEN FOR VISITING FOREIGN DIGNITARIES?
TOP PSYCHOLOGIST'S ATTEMPTS TO CURE BRITAIN'S MILLIONS OF TOILET PHOBICS OPPOSED BY RELIGIOUS SECT WHICH CLAIMS CRAPPING IN STREET IS FORM OF WORSHIP!
SADDAM'S EXECUTION BY AUTO-EROTIC ASPHYXIATION CONDEMNED BY WEST! FEAR DICTATOR'S LAST ERECTION WILL BE RALLYING POINT FOR INSURGENTS!
BOB GELDOLF APPEALS FOR MASS DONATION OF JAZZ MAGS AS PORN FAMINE SWEEPS AFRICA! WHOLE CONTINENT FACES DISASTER AMID DANGEROUS LEVELS OF EROTIC DEPRIVATION!
TV COMPANY DEFENDS INCLUSION OF SADDAM AND OSAMA IN REALITY SHOW! OUTRAGE AS IRAQI DICTATOR ATTEMPTS TO GAS FELLOW CONTESTANTS AFTER RACE ROW!
IS RURAL BRITAIN RIFE WITH RACISM? SLEEPY DEVON VILLAGE BRANDED AS BIGOTED, INSULAR AND INBRED AMID SHOCKING CLAIMS OF SLAVERY AND RACIAL VIOLENCE!
CALLS FOR VIGILANTES TO BE LICENCED AS MOB BURNS DOWN WRONG HOUSE IN ANTI-PAEDOPHILE FRENZY!
BRITAIN'S BEARD WEARERS IN GRIP OF TERROR AS GANGS OF VIGILANTE BARBERS FORCIBLY SHAVE OFF HUGE BEARDS TO EXPOSE THE EXTREMISTS HIDING BEHIND THEM!
SELF ABUSERS NO LONGER RISK ETERNAL DAMNATION AS VATICAN ENDORSES MASTURBATION! ONLY TO BE USED FOR EMERGENCY SEXUAL RELIEF!
HAS FORMER BEATLE BEEN RESPONSIBLE FOR SERIES OF SHOWBIZ DEATHS IN ORDER TO KEEP DIABOLICAL DEAL?
TAKEN FROM BEHIND BY SATAN! BRITAIN'S TOP OCCULTIST TELLS OF DESPERATE BATTLE TO SAVE POSSESSED SOUL IN NIGHTCLUB TOILETS! IS BRIGHTON IN GRIP OF SATANIC CONSPIRACY?
POLICE ANNOUNCE CRACKDOWN ON DRUG-PEDDLING PRIESTS AS SENIOR CLERIC CLAIMS DIVINE NEW NARCOTIC IS VITAL TOOL IN BATTLE TO SAVE SOULS!
POLICE FEAR NEW TERROR CAMPAIGN AS KGB-TRAINED RUSSIAN MAIL ORDER BRIDES SEDUCE THEIR WAY INTO BEDS OF BRITISH OFFICIALS!
ARE CONSPIRACY THEORIES JUST A GOVERNMENT INSPIRED SMOKESCREEN TO DIVERT ATTENTION AWAY FROM THE REAL TRUTH?
KIDDIES FORCED TO BEAT EACH OTHER SENSELESS AS RICH AND FAMOUS BET BIG MONEY! THIRD WORLD CELEBRITY ADOPTIONS A COVER FOR IMPORTING ILLEGAL FIGHTING CHILDREN?
UNDERCOVER REPORTER REVEALS TRUTH BEHIND THE SO-CALLED CREED OF LOVE WHICH PREACHES HATRED AND ABUSES CHILDREN!
TRAIL OF DESTRUCTION AS GLAMOUR MODEL'S OUTSIZE BREASTS GO ON RAMPAGE! CALLS FOR CURBS ON ABNORMALLY LARGE MAMMARIES AS ROGUE BAZONGAS LAY WASTE TO KENT!
POST RETIREMENT ANTICS OF THE WORLD'S MOST POWERFUL MEN REVEALED! INDECENT EXPOSURE, CANNABIS FARMS AND NUDE BEAR WRESTLING AMONGST EX-LEADERS' HOBBIES!
TRUTH BEHIND THE NAZIS' WORLD WAR TWO SEX CAMPS REVEALED AT LAST! FLYING HERO TELLS HARROWING TALE OF BOTTOM ABUSE AT HANDS OF JACK BOOTED PERVERTS!
BRITAIN ON TERROR ALERT AS SMOKERS STRIKE BACK AT SMOKING BAN! HUMAN ROLL-UP LAUNCHES SUICIDE ATTACK AT CROWDED AIRPORT!
MINOR CELEBRITY SLAUGHTERS GREAT APES IN BID TO HIGHLIGHT PLIGHT OF ENDANGERED SPECIES! TV CHIEFS REFUSE TO APOLOGISE FOR SHOCK TACTICS!
DID BRITAIN'S SECRET INTELLIGENCE SERVICE SPECIALLY RECRUIT AND TRAIN UNDERCOVER PERVERT TO PROTECT UK'S PORN RESERVES?
ARE UK RADIO STATIONS FORCING LISTENERS TO COMMIT SEXUAL OFFENCES? WRAPPING GENITALS IN TIN FOIL ONLY WAY TO DEFLECT PERVERTED RADIO WAVES!
SEX THERAPISTS FROM OUTER SPACE
DO EROTIC CROP CIRCLES HOLD KEY TO CURING PREMATURE EJACULATION? ARE ALIEN SEX THERAPISTS ABDUCTING SEXUALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL FOR TREATMENT?
TOP TV CHEFS STRUCK DOWN BY GIANT VEGETABLES! VEGETABLE RIGHTS CAMPAIGNERS CALL FOR END TO FRUIT AND VEG ABUSE IN BRITAIN'S KITCHENS AND GARDENS!
HAS DUKE OF EDINBURGH GONE 'KILL CRAZY' AFTER GETTING AWAY WITH DIANA'S MURDER? TOP-LEVEL COVER-UP CONCEALS CATALOGUE OF CRIMES?
HOW BILLY BOB THORNTON'S WILD HILLBILLY WAYS DROVE ANGELINA JOLIE TO DESPAIR! BEVERLEY HILLS MANSION TURNED INTO BACKWOODS SHACK - GUESTS SERVED ROAD KILL PIE!
GROWING NUMBERS OF CELEBRITIES GOING ON VIOLENT RAMPAGES AFTER HALLUCINATING THEY ARE APES!
DID FAMED PSYCHIC URI GELLAR USE POSSESSED WASHING MACHINE TO STALK FEMALE NEIGHBOUR? CLAIMS THAT MENTALIST'S POWERS CREATED SEXUAL MAYHEM IN SUBURBAN STREET!
ARE SUICIDE TRICK-OR-TREATERS SET TO SPREAD TERROR THIS HALLOWEEN? POLICE SHOOT SUICIDE BOMBER COSTUMED CHILDREN IN MISTAKE FOR CRAZY ISLAMIC EXTREMISTS!
IS TRUE LOVE ACROSS THE GREAT DIVIDE OF LIFE AND DEATH POSSIBLE? TOP TV MEDIUM TELLS OF HER SUPERNATURAL SEXUAL SHENANIGANS!
ARE ROYAL FAMILY HUNTING ENDANGERED SPECIES TO EXTINCTION? EXOTIC ANIMALS ALLEGEDLY SMUGGLED ONTO ROYAL ESTATES!
SUBURBIA'S SECRET TORTURE CAMPS REVEALED! 'EXTRAORDINARY RENDITION' OF TERROR SUSPECTS TO INTERROGATION CENTRE IN PRIVATE HOUSE!
THE FOUL MOUTHED MEDIA GURU WHO TEACHES BRITAIN'S MIDDLE CLASS CELEBRITIES HOW TO SWEAR PROFILED!
WOMEN STALKED, KIDNAPPED AND BRAINWASHED TO ORDER BY DATING AGENCY FOR THE LOVELORN AND LONELY! TRUE ROMANCE EVEN FOR MOST MALADJUSTED!
GUESS WHO'S COMING OUT FOR CHRISTMAS? IS GAY SANTA A THREAT TO CHILDREN? OUTRAGED PARENTS DEMAND FATHER CHRISTMAS BANNED FROM INVADING THEIR CHIMNEYS!
MAN WAGES OWN PRIVATE WAR ON CHRISTMAS IN SUBURBAN STREET! WIFE CLAIMS HUSBAND DRIVEN MAD BY NEIGHBOURS' VULGAR FESTIVE DECORATIONS!
DOES TORY LEADER DAVID CAMERON REALLY EXIST? AMAZING CLAIMS THAT UK'S LEADER OF THE OPPOSITION IS A MEDIA CONSTRUCT MANIPULATED BY SHADOWY RIGHT WING ORGANISATION!
WAS 9/11 AN ILLUSION MASTERMINDED BY TOP CONJURER DAVID COPPERFIELD? HAS BIN LADEN BROKEN THE MAGICIANS' CODE? EXPERTS WARN OF DIRE CONSEQUENCES!
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