"Criticise my leadership, would you..?"
THE BEAST OF DOWNING STREET
IS PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN A WEREWOLF? NEW BOOK CLAIMS PREMIER RIPPED OUT THROATS OF DOWNING STREET STAF DURING LYCANTHROPIC RAGES! CABINET COLLEAGUES FEAR FULL MOON AFTER TERRIFIED CHANCELLOR CHASED TO DOORS OF TREASURY!
"Deadly sex..."
SCREAM AND CREAM AGAIN
IS THE GOVERNMENT PLANNING TO STEAL THE SOUNDS OF YOUR ORGASM AND TURN THEM INTO A DEADLY SUPER WEAPON? ARRESTED VOYEUR ALLEGES MASSIVE CONSPIRACY TO ILLEGALLY RECORD SOUNDS OF BRITAIN'S CITIZENS HAVING SEX AS PART OF PROJECT TO DEVELOP EROTIC WEAPON!
GAZA STRIP TEASE
TOP ADULT STAR HELD BY MILITANT PALESTINIAN PORNOGRAPHERS FREED IN DARING SAS RAID! PERFORMER FORCED AT GUN POINT TO PARTICIPATE IN FUNDAMENTALIST PORN FILMS!
COLD WAR
BRITAIN'S POLITICIANS DECLARE WAR ON THE WEATHER! TORY LEADER PROPOSES DEPLOYING MILITARY AGAINST INCOMING COLD FRONTS AND SHOOTING SNOWMEN ON SIGHT! PRIME MINISTER RESPONDS WITH PLAN TO DETONATE NUCLEAR WEAPONS TO HEAT COUNTRY!
THE JOKER IS WILD
ARE INTERNATIONAL TERRORIST GROUPS A FRONT FOR COALITION OF MILITANT ENVIRONMENTALISTS AND NATURISTS? JOURNALIST ALLEGES GLOBAL PLOT TO RESTRICT AIR TRAVEL AND IMPOSE UNIVERSAL COMPULSORY NUDISM!
MORE STORIES FROM THE SLEAZE:
ENVIRONMENT FOR TERROR
IS BRITAIN UNDER THREAT FROM GIANT FISH? LEADING CONSPIRACY THEORIST CLAIMS RECENT COASTAL FLOODING RESULT OF COLOSSAL HALIBUT ATTACK! ALLEGES CLIMATE CHANGE, FOOT AND MOUTH AND SWINE FLU PART OF GOVERNMENT COVER UP OF MASS REVOLT BY BRITAIN'S ANIMALS!
THE JOKER IS WILD
BRITAIN'S JAPESTERS IN MOURNING AS COUNTRY'S TOP PRACTICAL JOKER DIES! FRIENDS AND FAMILY RECALL POLITICIANS AND CELEBRITIES WHO FELL VICTIM TO HIS ELABORATE PRANKS! WAS HE BEHIND HELICOPTER CRASH THAT SPARKED CELEBRITY FEUD BETWEEN TOP RADIO DISC JOCKEYS?
DOCTOR, DOCTOR!
WORLD OF DR WHO FANDOM ROCKED AS RIVAL REGENERATIONS OF TIME LORD BRAWL IN SOHO MASSAGE PARLOUR! BITTER DISPUTE OVER RIGHT TO STAR IN POPULAR TV SERIES ERUPTS INTO VIOLENCE! FEARS OF GANG WARFARE BETWEEN FANS OF DIFFERENT INCARNATIONS OF THE DOCTOR!
ON THE GAME
CAN PLAYING SEX-THEMED ELECTRONIC GAMES TURN YOUNG PEOPLE INTO SEX OFFENDERS? SO CALLED THIRD PERSON SHAGGER GAMES UNDER SCRUTINY AMID ALLEGATIONS THAT THEY OBJECTIFY AND DEMEAN WOMEN!
CHILD'S PLAY
CHILDREN'S ENTERTAINER DETAINED AFTER SHOCKED TV VIEWERS SEE PUDSEY BEAR GROPE FEMALE PRESENTER DURING CHILDREN IN NEED!
I SPIT ON YOUR WAR GRAVE!
DOES GORDON BROWN URINATE ON GRAVES OF FALLEN HEROES? IS DAVID CAMERON A NAZI? FEARS THAT TABLOID CIRCULATION WAR IS DRAGGING BRITISH POLITICS INTO GUTTER AS PRO-GOVERNMENT PAPER STRIKES BACK AT RIVAL'S ANTI-BROWN STORIES WITH SHOCKING CAMERON ALLEGATIONS!
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
LIAR, LIAR!
BRITAIN'S BIGGEST LIAR EXPOSED! TOP FAKER ALLEGEDLY MADE MILLIONS SELLING OUTRAGEOUS LIES TO THE PRESS! CONVINCED TABLOIDS THAT CLIFF RICHARD WAS SATANIST, BRIDGET BARDOT A VIVISECTIONIST!
FLUSHED WITH LOVE
FAMOUS 'WATER SPORTS' ENTHUSIASTS EXPOSED! STARS MIX SEX AND EXCREMENT AFTER CELEBRITY GURU PROCLAIMS MEDICINAL PROPERTIES OF DRINKING OWN URINE!
SEX, DRUGS, ROCK AND ROYALTY
QUEEN MOTHER'S SEX AND DRUGS ROMPS WITH THE STARS UNCOVERED! SHOCKING LOVE TRIANGLE WITH SINATRA AND SAMMY DAVIS REVEALED!
