"Cameron wins over another floating voter..."
WILD MAN OF WESTMINSTER
ARE TORY LEADER DAVID CAMERON AND THE BESTIAL WILD MAN HAUNTING BRITAIN'S CORRIDORS OF POWER ONE AND THE SAME? POLITICAL COLUMNIST CLAIMS OPPOSITION LEADER'S ABUSE OF ANCIENT SEXUAL ART FOR ELECTORAL GAIN HAS UNLEASHED HIS INNER SEX FIEND!
"I spit on your war grave..."
I SPIT ON YOUR WAR GRAVE
DOES GORDON BROWN URINATE ON GRAVES OF FALLEN HEROES? IS DAVID CAMERON A NAZI? FEARS THAT TABLOID CIRCULATION WAR IS DRAGGING BRITISH POLITICS INTO GUTTER AS PRO-GOVERNMENT PAPER STRIKES BACK AT RIVAL'S ANTI-BROWN STORIES WITH SHOCKING CAMERON ALLEGATIONS!
THE MONSTER MAKERS
DID YEARS OF IMPERSONATING SUPERNATURAL CREATURES TURN MONSTER MAKER INTO PERVERT? WORLD OF CRYPTOZOOLOGY SHAKEN TO ITS FOUNDATIONS BY ALLEGATIONS THAT MOST OF BRITAIN'S TOP PARANORMAL PHENOMENA CREATED AS TOURIST ATTRACTIONS!
FRANKENSTEIN MEETS THE PIKEYS
FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER ARRESTED AS NOTED MAD SCIENTIST ATTEMPTS TO MOVE ON GYPSYS CAMPED ILLEGALLY IN CASTLE GROUNDS!
BAN THE MIND READER!
HOW ARE A SERIES OF APPARENTLY UNMOTIVATED ATTACKS ON CONJURERS CONNECTED WITH A SINISTER POLITICAL CONSPIRACY AND A TOP SECRET GOVERNMENT PROJECT? WHY ARE SOME WORLD LEADERS CALLING FOR A BAN ON MIND READERS?
MORE STORIES FROM THE SLEAZE:
CLOSE UP AND PERSONAL
CINEMA GOERS RUN FOR COVER AS NEW 3D PORN MOVIE THRUSTS CINEMASCOPE BREASTS, BUTTOCKS AND GENITALIA IN THEIR FACES! STEREOSCOPIC VISION LATEST GIMMICK IN ADULT MOVIE PRODUCER'S CAMPAIGN TO KEEP PORN IN CINEMAS!
THE POPE OF BIRMINGHAM
VATICAN REBELS PLAN TO REPLACE AILING POPE WITH USED CAR SALESMAN! SELF-STYLED 'POPE OF BIRMINGHAM' PLANS TO PURSUE 'CHRIST THROUGH CAR SALES' AND OFFERS FREE ABSOLUTION WITH EVERY MAJOR SERVICE!
I WAS A SEX PEST FROM OUTER SPACE
WAS THE 'ALIEN VISITOR' THAT TERRORISED SLEEPY ENGLISH VILLAGE REALLY A HUMAN PEEPING TOM? SEX OFFENDER'S CLAIMS SPARK FURIOUS DEBATE IN WORLD OF UFOLOGY!
WILD WOMEN OF WANDSWORTH
AS PACKS OF WILD WOMEN TERRORISE BRITAIN'S TOWN CENTRES BY NIGHT, GOVERNMENT AUTHORISES WOMAN HUNTERS TO ROUND UP AND DOMESTICATE FERAL FEMALES! NECESSARY CONTROL MEASURE OR MISOGYNISTIC REPRESSION OF WOMEN'S RIGHTS?
NOSE RAGE
ARE LIB DEM LEADER'S PROPOSALS TO TAX PERSONAL AIR CONSUMPTION BY NOSE SIZE RESPONSIBLE FOR EPIDEMIC OF NOSE RAGE SWEEPING BRITAIN? POLICE BAFFLED BY SPATE OF VICIOUS ATTACKS ON LARGE-NOSED MEN!
CELEBRITY KNOCK OFFS
ARE REPUTATIONS OF TOP CELEBRITIES AT RISK AS CHEAP KNOCK OFFS OF THEM MADE IN FAR EASTERN SWEAT SHOPS FLOOD MARKET? ALLEGATIONS THAT BARGAIN BASEMENT DOUBLES ARE BEHIND RECENT CELEBRITY BAD BEHAVIOUR AND RUBBISH FILMS!
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
SEX AND DEATH
HEARSES HELD UP AT GUNPOINT AS NECROPHILIA CRAZE SWEEPS BRITAIN'S YOUTH! GRIEVING RELATIVES CALL FOR GOVERNMENT ACTION TO PROTECT THEIR DEAD FROM SEXUAL PREDATORS!
GONE WILD
TOP CRYPTOZOOLOGIST CLAIMS ESCAPED WILD ANIMALS ARE BEHIND SERIES OF MYSTERIOUS DEATHS AND DISAPPEARANCES! ARE WILD HIPPOS AND ELEPHANTS RUNNING AMOK IN ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE?
SEX, DRUGS, ROCK AND ROYALTY
QUEEN MOTHER'S SEX AND DRUGS ROMPS WITH THE STARS UNCOVERED! SHOCKING LOVE TRIANGLE WITH SINATRA AND SAMMY DAVIS REVEALED!
