"Ohhh, matron..."
CARRY ON BOMBING!
PRODUCER ANNOUNCES PLANS TO USE DIGITAL TECHNOLOGY TO VIRTUALLY RESURRECT DEAD 'CARRY ON' STARS FOR CONTROVERSIAL NEW SERIES OF FILMS! PROMISES SAUCY NEW SUICIDE BOMBER SATIRE!
"A dying profession..."
STATE OF DISGRACE
WILL VATICAN'S PURGE OF PAEDOPHILE PRIESTS SERIOUSLY DAMAGE CAREER PROSPECTS OF BRITAIN'S DEVIANTS? CALLS FOR GOVERNMENT TO SET UP NEW TRAINING SCHEMES FOR PERVERTS IN ORDER TO MAINTAIN COUNTRY'S HERITAGE OF DEVIANCY!
BLACK AND BLUE
ALLEGATIONS OF POLITICAL OPPORTUNISM VEHEMENTLY DENIED AS TORY LEADER DAVID CAMERON PREPARES TO SPANK OWN MPs OVER EXPENSES CLAIMS!
CELEBRITY AUTOPSY
NEW TV SERIES FEATURING LIVE AUTOPSIES OF RICH AND FAMOUS CONDEMNED AS TASTELESS!
TAKING THE WHIP
GOVERNMENT ROCKED BY NEW SCANDAL AS MINISTER MAKES OWN PORN MOVIES ON PARLIAMENTARY EXPENSES! CLAIMS FILMS ARE ESSENTIAL POLITICAL RESEARCH INTO EXPLOITATION OF WOMEN!
MORE STORIES FROM THE SLEAZE:
LOST TRIBE OF LONDON
TOP ANTHROPOLOGIST CLAIMS PRIMITIVE TRIBE IS LIVING UNDETECTED IN HEART OF BRITAIN'S CAPITAL CITY! AMAZING THEORY BACKED BY LONDONER'S CLAIMS TO HAVE BEEN HELD CAPTIVE FOR YEAR BY SAVAGES IN TOOTING!
PEEPING TOM TV
NEW WEB SITE PROMISES ULTIMATE IN REALITY TV WITH SECRETLY SHOT FOOTAGE OF NEIGHBOURS' BEDROOM ANTICS! HIGH TECH VOYEURISM OFFERS ALL THE THRILLS OF BEING PEEPING TOM WITHOUT THE RISKS!
CULT OF CELEBRITY
HAS JADE GOODY PERFORMED MIRACLES FROM BEYOND GRAVE? IS PETER ANDRE PROPHET OF THE APOCALYPSE? CAN TOM JONES' TOUCH HEAL ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION? BIZARRE CELEBRITY WORSHIPPING CULTS REVEALED!
CAUGHT ON CAMERA
ARE INTERNET PEEPING TOMS USING GOOGLE STREET VIEW TO SNOOP ON UNSUSPECTING VICTIMS? CALL FOR WEB APPLICATION TO BE BANNED AFTER COMPLAINTS OF RAMPANT CYBER-VOYEURISM!
CELEBRITY DEATH WATCH
TOP PROMOTER DENIES IRRADIATING CLIENT TO INDUCE LIFE-THREATENING CANCER FOR PUBLICITY PURPOSES!
PROCURER EXECUTIVE
MEET THE CIVIL SERVANTS WHO PROCURE PORN, PROSTITUTES AND PERVERSITY FOR VISITING FOREIGN DIGNITARIES! SECRET GOVERNMENT DEPARTMENT'S AMAZING ACTIVITIES EXPOSED!
FROM THE ARCHIVE:
SWEET AND SAVIOUR
IS CHRIST FLIPPING BURGERS? MESSIAH CITES LACK OF OPPORTUNITIES IN FAMILY BUSINESS AS REASON FOR WORKING IN FAST FOOD INDUSTRY!
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
BRITISH FILM FILM INDUSTRY STRIKES BACK AT HOLLYWOOD'S MISREPRESENTATION OF HISTORY! MAVERICK DIRECTOR AIMS TO EXPOSE 'TRUTH' BEHIND AMERICA'S TOP HISTORICAL HEROES!
ARTFUL TODGER
NEW DVD SHOWING MALE CELEBRITIES PERFORMING BIZARRE ACTS WITH PENISES CONDEMNED! FEARS THAT SIGHT OF BRUCE LEE BREAKING BRICKS WITH TODGER COULD ENCOURAGE COPYCATS - RESULTING IN SERIOUS INJURIES!
